Scars (Explicit Content)

Hidden scars

Is it like buried treasures? 

Hidden secrets

Hidden stories

Want to look behind mine?

What does my buried treasure say about me?

What will you find looking behind these scars of mine?

Never would I thought that me, I 

Would have ever drug a knife to my skin

Never would I have thought that blood would drain leaving my body cold

Never would I thought that tears would always caress my cheeks 

These scars

These memories

They will always be there can never forget what each one is from

Ever grow up knowing only one father....

Not even a biological father

A Stepfather 

Since I was 5 

He's all I ever know 

The one I looked up to 

The one I saw as giving me away when I got married

I guess you can say he is the root to the treasures

He is the one who started this mess

Or Maybe its just that I'm that Fucked up

Afraid of who I was 

Who I was becoming 

Couldn't really look him in the eyes

I was in the wrong

I was always to blame

When I was 8 is when it all started

Mom thinks she got it bad

She doesn't even know.. well never wanted to believe that he did all that shit to me

Physically his hitting toy, can't say punching bag because he never punched me 

Just slapped me around here and there

Verbally Abused me making sure I knew he was the boss of the house

Making sure I knew he was the Man of the house

Making sure I knew that he could bring me down when ever he wanted 

Mentally fucking me up

Out of all the abuse the mental abuse is the worst....

Your not good enough 

Your to big

8 years of age and already mentally fucked 

Starting to understand depression

Starting to understand the world is not full of Rainbows and Unicorns

First scar

First treasure buried under my skin

A start of knowing what it feels like to be numb

Not feeling anything

Might have started an addiction 

Not a drug addiction

But a cutting one

It was a release 

A way of getting my depression and feelings out

Journaling only did a little boxed up the memories

But cutting 

It released everything

But that too leaving a boxed up memory

Wanting to Die 

Or not even die

Just feeling Nothing

letting everything exit your body in the slight knife to skin motion

These Scars

These buried Treasures 

Everyone Has an Escape 

Everyone Has Secrets

Don't let these haunt you

Don't let them make you

You are who you want to be

And I learned that 

These scars don't make me 

They are part of me

And I can change the outcome to my story

Being bigger then my obstacles 

These Scars 

These Memories 

Lost and never forgotten